When you're just not feeling it

Though it is not always realistic or doable, I feel like I need to sit down quietly, alone with my bible and a notebook in order to really tap into prayer or to hear from God. Satan knows this and totally uses it against me. Recently I posted a video on distractions and in a nutshell, I said that sometimes the enemy uses good things to distract us. I have found myself in that dilemma right now. 


 So much has been going on. Within the last 4 days, we have moved to a new house, our oldest kids started school, our youngest started daycare and I started a new job! It wears me out just typing it!   I don't share this as a complaint, I just want you to have the whole picture. While enjoying and navigating through these new blessings, I have not taken the time to really sit and just be with God. I feel totally guilty about it. I'm not feeling very spiritual. 

One phrase I repeat to myself frequently is "faith is not about feelings". It is  hard to die to my flesh and not operate on how I feel but I  know that it is an attack.  Just because I don't "feel" it, doesn't change my position in Christ. I think about David...brother-man was an emotional wreck! Just read the Psalms and you'll see. I have no doubt that he got distracted and felt far from God because he didn't make enough time to sit quietly with Him.  Though he had highs and lows, it did not change God's mind about him. God used him mightily!  The good thing is that I have caught onto it, brought it before the Lord and asked the Holy Spirit to strengthen and help me. If you are in a place like me, please know that it is ok! Push through this season and don't stay stuck. Learn to give yourself grace, God does! 

My voice will be heard!

I sit here tonight just thinking back over the past couple of months and all that God has done. He has made ways and worked things out perfectly. Yet, I have allowed my voice to be stifled and I haven't shared a bit of it with you. Somehow, fear has crept in slowly choking me. Not only has my voice been quieted spiritually but also physically. In the last 6 weeks alone,  I have suffered from both laryngitis and strep throat for the first time in my life. Until today, I didn't really and truly realize that they were connected to my spiritual afflicion. I have a call of God on my life, and that scares the devil. If I can get my story and experiences out there to encourage or lead even one person to Christ, that is one too many in his opinion. He has done so many things to prevent me from sharing and to keep me in fear. I am learing that one way to combat the attack is to do what scares me. Don't let fear keep me bound. I am making a commitment to blog more frequently. I have so much content to share, so many words to type and plenty of pain to minister out of. I plan to clear out and tear down the house that fear had taken up residence in within my soul. There is freedom, peace and healing that is coming to me. And my prayer is that it is coming to you too. I apologize for my silence and I want to thank you for following along with my journey. You will be hearing from me again soon!

Obedience

Hey Friends! Long time, no blog! Things have been a whirlwind lately. As some of you know, I have started posting videos. Its been very interesting and exciting but also kind of overwhelming! For those of you who are following my journey, I just want to say thank you! I pray that you are encouraged and blessed!

Now its time to get into the nitty gritty...The past few days I've been struggling. One of my blog posts offended someone. I know it's part of the journey but I guess I just wasn't expecting it. It has upset me to the point of avoiding writing and posting videos. That stops today! God doesn't need defended! He called me to write and share my testimony through videos. If something I say or do is against His will, He will check me! We live in such a world where we are worried about offending everyone but we don't think twice about offending God. I don't want to intentionally hurt anyone but I cannot be responsible for everyone's thoughts and feelings toward or about what I say.


Just yesterday my pastor said "once you accept the call, you need to count the cost". Counting the cost looks different in every situation. No one likes persecution but if you are truly in a place of obedience and following God, its the persecution that pushes you. Psalm 34:19 says " The righteous person may have troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all". God's word is true. Every last bit of it! I am determined to get my story out there and keep being obedient and pushing forward, no matter what roadblocks may arise. Some days are easier than others, but its all worth it in the end.

Obedience to God is something I am learning about. I haven't got it fully figured out and probably never will, but I am pursuing it wholeheartedly! When I am obedient, it opens doors to God's provision and blessings! I want all God has for me so I will continue pressing on and being obedient!God has a big plan for me and my family and I'm so excited that you're here to share it with us! Be blessed, keep your head up and, as long as you and I are serving God we don't have to worry about all the other junk! We have the VICTORY!

Catch ya later!

One Of The Hardest Things

Forgiveness.

It's not something that comes easy. It goes against all societal norms. It goes against our feelings and thinking patterns as human beings. I don't know about you but when I get angry, forgiveness is the last thing on my mind. I would rather lash out and give somebody a verbal "what-for". We try to avenge ourselves. As believers, we are commanded to love our enemies and pray for those who despitefully use us. Romans 12:19 says  "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord".

To forgive, we must look at the condition of our hearts. Lately, I have had a hard time. I am bitter, angry, and fed up with a certain situation.  Even writing this, I want to be free, but I also want vengeance! I'm just being real with you. A wise sister in Christ told me earlier that God is using this situation to grow me. He wants to see how I will respond. He wants me to seek Him, allow vengeance to be His and allow the Holy Spirit to change my heart. This is not something that I can do of my own will.

I am a mess. Rotten, dirty and broken, but I want to act as though I am superior to someone else and refuse to extend forgiveness. This stops today! I may not feel love in my heart, but I CHOOSE it. I surrender to the Lord. I want Him to change me from the inside out. Give me His words and thoughts. Give me the strength to extend love and turn the other cheek. God's word says "If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." Matthew 5:46-48 (NLT). I want to be different! I want to be set apart! Undignified in my pursuit for God. Going against the grain and against what is thought to be "normal".

God's grace is new every morning. He gives us another chance even when we screwed up the day, hour and moment before. He forgives us for all of our sins. He meets us where we are in the middle of all of our yuck and LOVES us!! I don't deserve any of what God gives me but he gives it freely. Why can't I let go of my flesh, surrender to God and forgive? Jesus was beaten, mocked and scorned, yet He forgave. God watched His ONLY son go through hell to save ME! I am unworthy but God says he loves me and that I am seated in heavenly places with Him. I need to start acting like it!

Contentment

The Lord has called us to Texas. To move and make a life there. He has spoken that promise over our lives. We have disclosed this to friends and family and started making plans. The thing about it is that God gave us this word, but did not give us a time frame. Obviously, we thought it was going to happen in the immediate future and when things didn't come together as we would have liked, we had to being to press into God and reevaluate. This reevaluation process has come with a lot of frustration, tears and pride. My biggest issue with the whole thing has been "Well, I've told people about it...what are they going to think if we don't go right now?". God has had to really work on me and honestly, there is still a hint of pride there but, through the power of my heavenly Father, I am working on it! He has given us a timeframe. He is preparing us, molding us and equipping us for when we do embark on that adventure. Not everyone will understand because is not meant for them to understand and that's ok. That is not my concern. Obedience to God is my concern. There is such freedom in that!

A big thing that I have been praying for is contentment. Contentment with who I am, where we live, what we are doing in this season of life. It has not been easy and it's a process. I realize that people will have their opinions, thoughts and comments but our journey and path is not for them. I made the comment yesterday about how I wanted to be like Noah. He heard from and obeyed the Lord, regardless of what others thought or said and he was saved! That's pretty powerful!


The bible doesn't say "Make other's opinions and reactions the center of all you do", it says " I keep my eyes ALWAYS on the Lord. With Him at my right hand,, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8 (emphasis added). In my life, I have always tried my hardest to please those around me. My parents, family, friends, the church... and I usually failed miserably. Now I am striving for my heavenly reward. I don't want to gain the world and lose my soul. I want to please my Daddy, God. I challenge you to do the same. Let go of your worries about what other people think or say. Be content with who God made you and where he has you right now! He loves you and knows every single thing about you. He sent His son to die for us and all of our junk! I deserve the suffering and shame of the cross but God loved me enough to spare me from that! The least I can do is be content and thankful.


I am so happy to be on this journey and I am thankful for a God who answers prayer. Through this He is changing our hearts and minds. We are reading and leaning into God. Drawing our strength from Him. I have learned a new way to pray. He has given my husband a fire and a hunger for His word that I never imagined would happen. He has elevated us to places I never thought possible! I always figured that more money and more "stuff" would make me happy but I am learning that if I put my hope in the Lord, He will make me rich spiritually!


                                                                                              In Him,
                                                                                                     Kennedy

Sometime's You Lose It

       

       I lost it today. I mean, completely lost my sugar honey iced tea. I yelled, I screamed, I cried. At and in front of my kids. Then I felt this big. I took myself to the kitchen and began mindlessly loading the dishwasher and wiping counters. I then took to yelling at God. It took me screaming at my kids and throwing a toy across the room to get to the root of what was wrong. I was trying to suppress my negative emotions, not pray about them, just ignore them in hopes that they would go away. I have been planning for days to write another blog post but I haven't been able to focus or come up with something on a whim to write. Even when I prayed about it, I got halfway through a rough draft and my train of thought and idea completely stopped. I honestly don't even know what I'm going to write about during this post. I'm just sitting at my computer typing the next thing that comes to my mind. In this season of life I'm having a rough time. As a mom, I am always needed by someone. Needing to hold someone, or wipe some one's butt, or get someone a drink, the list goes on and on. I know that many of you are probably thinking that I am going to miss this one day and, most likely, I will. But today, May 4th, 2016 I am annoyed with it. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and am extremely blessed with the ability to stay home with them. It's just that right now, in this moment, while the baby is screaming for no reason other than he wants to be held, I am broken. I feel like God is giving me "riddles". Not speaking to me clearly but expecting me to take little snippets here and there and figure it out. I don't like it.

I read my bible, come against the attacks of the enemy, sing praises to Him, stay linked up with strong, like minded believers but I still feel as though none of that is good enough! Being blessed and called to serve on a deeper spiritual level is proving to be quite hard. I am sitting here in tears because I feel guilty even saying any of this. I feel like I should just be able to deal. The truth is, I'm tired and worn and I just want it to be easy for a little bit. I don't want to wake up each day expecting a battle. I can't find joy or peace right now in the midst of all of this chaos in my mind. God is doing a huge work but with that work comes a big responsibility on my part. I don't think I am strong enough for it. I don’t know if I can remember and put into practice every day what it is that I’m supposed to do to be able to do that of  which He has called me. Tomorrow I will probably feel different, tomorrow I may have a new perspective. But today? Today I am struggling.

My first blog post. Wow. That's heavy. Before I sat down to write, I prayed for the Lord to help me be an encouragement to someone. I want to capture every aspect of this journey in hopes that the Lord will be glorified and someone, even just one person, will be encouraged. I plan to be real, raw and unapologetic in my sharing. I've spent too much of my life being sorry for things I've said or done and I've spent too much of my life worrying about what other people think of me. I am who God says I am and that's all that matters. This blog is about healing, restoration and new life. It's about HOPE! Hope that I've found in Jesus. To get started, I want to share with you a verse that has been on my heart the past couple of days while I've been preparing to write:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God

John 1:1

On this journey, I have dove into His Word. That's where I'm at right now. Learning, clinging to and studying His word. Never before in my life have I had a desire to read and study my bible like I do now. It has opened up my eyes to a relationship that I can have with God that I never realized was available. It's exciting!

You may ask what my blog name means...A Pliable Heart? Well, in all honesty, it was supposed to be On The Potter's Wheel, but that domain name was already taken. Just one of the few roadblocks in this process. The day I found out the name I wanted was already accounted for, I got discouraged, frustrated and annoyed. I wondered how I was supposed to have a blog about being changed when I couldn't have the daggone blog name that fit perfectly! God had another plan, though. You will see as time goes on, that that is the theme of my life currently; I have one plan but God has another. As annoying as that is, I'm glad for it. I know that God's way is the best way (cue Veggie Tales song). Anyway, in my blog name setback, I attended a bible study at my church. Our pastor was teaching on being anointed, appointed and ordained by God. He spoke of how God is preparing each and every one of us and how it is the enemy's job to give us hell. In the midst of all of that he talked about having a pliable heart. As soon as those words left his lips, I KNEW that that was my blog name! Since then I have taken notes, jotted down scriptures, phrases and ideas that I could incorporate into my blog. I truly am being transformed and renewed by God. Just like it says in Romans 12:2 " Let God Transform you into a new person by changing the way you think (NLT)" . My desire is to have a pliable heart. A heart that God can make and mold and change into something that will glorify and uplift Him. For now, that's all I have. Thanks for stopping by!

                                                                                 Until next time,

                                                                                                Kennedy